So I guess we’re going on year four of new year’s intentions being an actual thing. Let’s walk down memory lane shall we?
2017: Be more intentional about where I spent my time and energy — travels, books
2018: Embrace uncertainty — travels, books
2019: Be unapologetic — travels, books
2020: Crucible year
These annual reflections always feel like I’m walking into a crowded storage room. Some things are not meant to be kept, yet I still find meaning in pointless things for whatever reason. Nonetheless, I’m nostalgic af and it’s time for some spring cleaning. What better way to dust off old shelves while simultaneously flexing on my haters fans.
If you’re new here, the following routine involves a series of innocuous self-reflection usually segmented by theme. Don’t be deceived by its narcisstic sardonic nature. I love myself, truly. If you’re a lazy reader, bold will be your best friend. If you’re not reading at all, bai. Everyone else, imy.
1
It’s not a game of chase, but a game of choose.
What better way to start off an unapologetic year than by launching my very own dating profile. They don’t call it ‘the market’ for no reason. I literally felt like I was selling myself, window shopping, and placing attractive faces into my checkout/shopping cart when I used Tinder. Why Tinder? Simply put, I was going for volume. You know, better data points. They also had the easiest UI, and one app was already overwhelming enough.
Prior to 2019, I was always skeptical of dating apps. I wasn’t particularly concerned about meeting people irl, but I also didn’t give online dating a shot to have a developed enough opinion. This chapter was a short-lived (~4 months), very treasured learning moment. Topic for a later post on how Tinder made me realize reinforced that I can be shallow af. It is an attractiveness economy, after all. What it also taught me is the crippling paradox of choice.
Unapologetically, circulating.
2
Out with the old, in with the new.
Not everything/everyone that got you here, will be what gets you there. Marie Kondo blew up this year with her book and Netflix show, The art of tidying up. This prompted the galaxy to question anything that didn’t ‘spark joy’.
Friendships. Hobbies. Objects. Nothing was safe from speculation. If it doesn’t get the happiness stamp of approval, it got the guillotine of thank you, next. I had my share of friendships that comatosed and even moved out of my old room (after 4 years!).
2019 was also the year my twitter account reset entirely (couldn’t retrieve old data) and all my camera + tennis gear got stolen from the trunk of my car. It was 10+ years of hard earned investment, lost in a day. But! I was also super blessed with the best community. A colleague (hi, aj!) set up a gofundme and donations added up to ~$3,000.
Unapologetically, not feeling sorry for myself. Carry on.
3
Lift as you climb.
In last year’s reflection, I mentioned how Pilipinos@ was born. This past year, it quickly entered its teenage years and found its own identity. From when I joined Pinterest in 2015 to this year, our numbers went from 5 Filipinos to north of 60! Most of 2019 was spent nurturing this community and finding more pockets of communities who want to do the same.
Thank you to the following spaces for bringing this conversation to larger audiences:
Riot conference: Tender, Love, and Care
Houston AAPI Film Fest
OCA National Convention:
Culture Fest scholarship recipient
Filipinos in Tech @ GA
Pinayism in tech
Netflix Filipinos Event
In the spirit of hamilton vibes, if you’re not telling your story, who will? *cue bg vox: who tells your stooory*.
Unapologetically, telling my story.
4
Cost and benefit analysis + risk assessments are healthy.
When it comes to dating, I’ve always been a firm believer in not dating in friendship circles nor at the workplace. The risk is too high, and I tend to play safe. But sometimes you can’t really avoid human chemistry, and things just click.
So I broke one of my rules for the hottest (& brilliant) guy at work. Thankfully, we were on the same page and he suggested we do a risk assessment + evaluate if we would regret not trying to see what we had. Our ‘trial’ period was 30 days, much like a New York Times freemium subscription, and the fine print was to stay under the radar. Apparently our body language gave it away, even before we officially dated. howdare. So yes, after almost two years of the single life, I got boo’d up in 2019!
Unapologetically, breaking fake rules.
5
Capital
Wealth is relative. So when you’ve grown up with so little, you quickly learn how a lot goes a long way. This goes for cultural, social, academic, and most especially financial capital. When Pinterest went public this year, I was in awe at how this whole system worked. Prior to working in tech, I had no clue what stock options/RSUs meant. nada. Nor did I have anyone in my family to learn from/unpack this with.
Thankfully, this isn’t the first time I felt like I needed to ‘catch up’. I diligently read up on investopedia, attended every Schwab workshop to ask all my questions, and picked brains of my smart colleagues who kindly translated financial jargon (and would always caveat that they’re not a financial advisor). Long story short, buy low sell high.
Unapologetically, building generational wealth.
6
Moonlight hustle
When our Nothing on Us: Pinays Rising documentary (film freeway link) went on tour last year, I couldn’t help but feel like that was just the beginning. So in 2019, I fully committed any video side hustles to working with Ruby Ibarra. Her Circa91 album took off and touring her music was just getting started. Working with a creative genius whose message so powerfully resonated with mine has been one of the best (moonlight) career milestones. Through the many projects we worked on in such little time, our friendship also grew, and I even said ‘YES’ to being her bridesmaid —my first time being one! In 2019 alone I covered over a dozen performances across the Philippines, Bay Area, and LA!
Unapologetically, pursuing dem side hustles.
200 Likes, 12 Comments - @evelynsees on Instagram: "living up to their namesake, @rubyibarra and the @balikbayans are heading to the motherland. your..."
831 Likes, 21 Comments - RUBY IBARRA (@rubyibarra) on Instagram: "4/18/19 - SFSU. Thank you to everyone who came out & rocked with us! 🙏🏽 Much love to @sfsuasp..."
1,017 Likes, 30 Comments - RUBY IBARRA (@rubyibarra) on Instagram: "7000 MILES: HOMECOMING - COMING SOON. teaser video by @evelynsees"
In summary, being unapologetic just meant doing what I’ve been doing without the self-sabotage that normally comes with simply existing. Everyone’s entitled to loving themselves, and not everyone likes it when you look arrogant. But, perception is reality… so might as well love yourself and celebrate the imperfections that come with it.
current stage: acceptance
next stage: g l o w u p
— evelyn, 2020: crucible year, let’s gooo